~ For every year you work, it takes one month to de-compress ~

Is it possible for your physical body to purge a toxic environment? To be able to release what has been absorbed through the systems of the body ~ physically, emotionally, spiritually, stressfully?

When I removed myself from my toxic twelve year work marathon, I was not sure what to expect but I think I expected a lot.

• I expected to be different.
• I expected to act different.
• I expected to be lighter somehow.
• I expected to be less of who I was and more of who I thought I was.

Expecting too much or not enough? Am I shedding unknowingly? Am I changing on a cellular level or a spiritual level I am unaware of? Or were some of the issues just my issues, not related to that environment, just me.

It is difficult to be sure, to really know. 

The toxic twelve did not align with my-self. The stress level constantly ran under the surface, my behaviour was the same every day, I did not recognize who I was and all of it became my normal. How much of that becomes so embedded, so ‘normal’, that it becomes who you now are? Who you end up being? 

When it ends abruptly, when it stops being, when that you ‘ends’, what happens to your body, your spirit, your person? How does the shedding happen?

The stopping is like hitting a wall and you either absorb into that wall, break into a million pieces or rebound. Your body may react with a weight lifting, a sense of calm coming over you… or everything will come to the surface. 

All the toxic years absorbed needed to release, and that they did and still are. My skin erupted, hives appeared, my emotional state lowered and my depression remained. All the things I did not expect happened and none of the things I expected. 

I think the answer for me may lie in the letting go, the elimination of things, a shedding of sorts on every level: physically, emotionally, spiritually. It may take more than one month for every year, I may know it is happening or maybe not at all. Maybe in order for my whole self to heal, the toxic twelve must rise to the surface so I can be stripped bare to start again…